I’ve been silent for a while. There’re several reasons. I’ve written two drafts but they disappeared. One was an analytic essay about women in Chinese feudal society, inspired by a popular ancient drama “Empress of China”, which depicts how the one and only woman gained the power of an emperor. Since I was watching this series every night and the topic suddenly reminded me of so many other ancient dramas I’ve seen when I was young. They had different backgrounds, settings but similar plot when it comes to concubines’ competitions. Maybe for most of you, it’s funny to watch a group of young pretty girls chasing for one old man. But such plot does explain some situations in the society, especially the sugar bowl. I can perfectly match both circumstances. Anyway, I’ll work on the essay when I have the mood to write and Photoshop pics. The second one was a simple report of my recent “work”.
I’m not going to call sugar baby a “work” any more. Perhaps, my understanding was transformed in time. If I use economics principles to view my input and output in the last few weeks, my marginal cost (opportunity cost) definitely exceeded my marginal benefit. For firms, it’s at a short frame loss and the next step is to shut down. So I did “shut down” for one week and I ate excessively every single day and stopped caring about my looks which is the biggest current asset a sugar baby firm possesses.
I had one hasty lunch appointment and three appointments canceled or rescheduled. Meanwhile I also meditated about everything I had done for being a sugar baby. At the beginning, I disliked the name sugar baby/ sugar daddy. It sounded shallow and vain. After I came to the Netherlands, I found that I lost all my privileges. It was unbelievably harsh to live in a crappy apartment with shared facilities, cycle 40 mins to school in blistering cold just because the public transport is expensive. As well as chronic depression, loneliness, breakup, bicycle accidents every day, they attacked my life one following the other in an extremely short time. I used to live in decent houses, go to most places by family cars or taxi, go to any restaurant I wanted, but I never thought I was spoiled. It was just an ordinary life I lived and appreciated. The huge contrast between current and previous lives triggered more negative feelings, even doing grocery was frustrating. I didn’t speak any Dutch; I had no friends or anyone close in this country; I had no driver, car or any privilege, the amount in my bank account was limited; and I was insecure because all of this. I experienced the hard time accepting my reality and trying to live a poor international student’s life. But I had so much freedom not to do with money. Eventually, I improved my life by being in a relationship, gaining some mental support. Unfortunately, I picked the wrong guy. It was another two months after breakup, insecurity, loneliness, language problem were still there. And I had a horrible bicycle accident which really scared me and shrunk my bank account. Not long later, I recovered from the accident but my bank account could never recover.
To be continued…